Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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