just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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