do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
