apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
