You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
