there's paper in my vomit.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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