Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
