I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
