Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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