Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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