two words: eviction party
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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