There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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