I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
