i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
