she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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