Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
