I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
