I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
