A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
