we have pet lesbian snakes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
