"it" just moved
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
