I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
