it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
