you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
