dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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