i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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