Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
