We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
