I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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