I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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