So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
