whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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