onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize