and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
