just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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