ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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