Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
