bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
