nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
