You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
