just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
