im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
