I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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