I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize