Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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