Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize