so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
