I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
