So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize