I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize