I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
