Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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