Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
