Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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