So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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