So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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