Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
