It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
