Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
