So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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