I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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