I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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