Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize