one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
