If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize