I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
