Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
