my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
