Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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