she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
