the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
