margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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