I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
smell my finger.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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