There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
